Ignorance doesn't kill, NaNoWriMo does

Glutton for punishment, table for one?

Yep, that's me. I know what you're thinking. "Haven't we been through this before? Don't you despise NaNo with the fire of 1,000 suns?" The short answer would be yes. Sadly, it has the same sort of appeal as reality TV, pizza-flavored chips, and a multitude of other things we as a society can't shake know matter how many times we recognize that these ideas and concepts are just a bad plan. (I really want pizza-flavored chips to work. Truly.)

And thus, NaNo's strange gravity has sucked me in again.

Oh sure, I work 12 hours a day during the week, have a dog who just had two tumors removed, a mountain of housework, a blog to maintain, a TBR stack to tame, and a social life to fake. I can write about 2,000 coherent words a day, building a solid story with well developed characters and an air-tight plot. I can do that, right?  As long as I cut out, eating and sleeping I should be fine.

Don't mistake my light-hearted and somewhat cynical attitude as a set-up for failure. That's not what it is at all. I'm just not turning my back on NaNo this year for she is a fickle mistress, and I've been burned before. No, no. This time I am not buying your pretty lies.

It's on like Donkey Kong, baby. Your move, NaNo. Your move.

Words: 1,301

Mood:  In the mood to kick a little ass.

Music: All Time Low - I Feel Like Dancing

NaNoWriMo, you're going down

November is here. The time has come again to attempt the intimidating and seemingly impossible. And I'm saying now that I am not afraid.

Starting tomorrow I begin the 30 day journey through National Novel Writing Month AKA NaNoWriMo. Basically that means I am committing to being a recluse for the next month. I will be giving up television, dinners out, time with friends, hobbies, and anything else that makes me a normal human being. I will cease to be a social creature all for the good of a story. (If you want to be my writing buddy, I'm wastepaperprose, as always.)

For those of you who aren't familiar with this ancient and painful writerly trial, the goal is 50,000 words in 30 days. That's 1,667 words a day. Outside of a sense of accomplishment, you can wind up with a few parting gifts less desirable than a complete draft of a novel. Increased neurosis, death of brain cells, hair loss, poor hygiene, dwindling social skills (including an inability to hold conversations with people you did not create), and sudden on-set agoraphobia.

The whole process goes a little something like this:

Day 1: I should have done more planning.

Day 2: This isn't as hard as I thought. I think I've finally hit my stride!

Day 7: Today someone asked me if I was a masochist. What's that supposed to mean?

Day 12: ssxn:?shsogvfi@fkhnbkgkv#:"sbksnviwc

Day 15: You haven't left your house, which has become a cesspool in two weeks and you're not sure this is worth it.

Day 20: You are incessantly checking your word count and take-out has become a way of life.

Day 22: Still no plot? No problem.

Day 26: Troll your manuscript in search of contractions. You're only cheating yourself.

Day 30: Hopefully you have 50,000 words. You can sort out the details later.

But NaNoWriMo is a fickle mistress. It lures you in with pretty lies and empty promises, causes you undue stress, and, when you're teetering on the brink of insanity, it drops you on your keister. You might find yourself trying to churn out those last hundred words for the day at ungodly hours of the morning and looking much like this:

I tried to take on the challenge last year and fell too far behind the curve. NaNoWriMo had all these expectations of me. I was developing guilt and inadequacy issues as a result of not living up to them. Long story short, we broke up.

This year will be different. I'm making the commitment to do this, and I will do my best to blog about my efforts. There will be no break-up letter this year. I will crush you NaNoWriMo. Oh yes, I will.

NaNoWriMo Day 9: Maybe we should just be friends...

Dear NaNoWriMo,
 You have spent the first week of November torturing me. I still have to lead my life, you know. I can't put the world on hold and devote my every waking hour to you. I know that's what you want, but it simply can't be done.

Frankly, you're behaving like a petulant child. When life drags me away from the keyboard, you've taken the opportunity to kick me when I'm down. As if I'm not already frustrated enough by the fact that I am several thousand words behind the curve. You set impossible standards and, barring the elimination of eating and sleeping from my schedule, I'm giving you my all.


What more do you want from me?

No, the pressure of a deadline doesn't bother me. That fact is you're needy and a nag. Knowing those unreasonable expectations you have for me has kept me huffing and puffing and generally overwhelmed. I am requesting that you cease and desist.

I think our relationship should remain strictly professional. That means no more late night phone calls or following me home. I have to admit I've been waiting for the horror movie scene where my laptop powers on by itself at four in the morning and the NaNoWriMo screen comes up.

Please don't be hurt. I know this seems sudden, considering that we share a common purpose. All I've ever wanted to be is a fiction writer. All you want to do is help me become one. It's your unwillingness to compromise that's come between us, so unless you have the means to pay my bills we have to break up.

The word-centric world you create each November lured me in, full of shiny promises. Full of witty words and turns of phrase. You smelled of hope and well-worn pages. Pages I hoped would be mine.

But I don't blame you. It's not your fault that you're attractive and intriguing, or that you can make or break a girl with the click of the "Update" button, which puts our private business of under public scrutiny. I simply can live on your terms.

I do hope we can still be friends. I'll stop in from time to time and let you know how I'm doing. I'll hit that "Update" button and think of you fondly. Hopefully, you'll be supportive. Remember NaNo, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Always,
Suse

P.S. - I think I left my dignity at your place, and I'd like it back.

NaNoWriMo Day 6: An H1N1 Interuption

I know what you're thinking and no, I don't have swine flu. I am not stuck at home drinking juice and resting, but some part of me wishes I was.

Okay, I don't really wish I was sick. But if I was quarantined and my butt was firmly planted on the sofa, a whole hell of a lot more would be getting done on this novel. Instead, I am tied to my desk in the office writing about swine flu, school flu closures and vaccine clinics. My cup runneth over.

*sigh* Back to the daily grind....

Words: 3,100-some (I don't know because I'm not allowed to open my file until I write something  for work.)

Mood: Apathetic

Music: Holly Brook - "Like Blood Like Honey"

NaNoWriMo Day 4: Groove Thang

Today was encouraging. While I'd like to say that I totally ignored the world and wrote until I could no longer feel my fingers, I didn't. However, I was productive for the roughly three hours that I spent glued to my computer chair.

It doesn't seem terribly productive by the numbers, but trust me. I now have my wheels on the road and am committed to following it wherever it leads me. As my critique partner the Magazinista told me earlier today, "You have to kick your inner editor out on the front lawn and let her cry." (It's easy to give advice when you've got 10,000 words in the bank.) But that's what I did.

I booted the nagging witch, and I found my groove.

Her backseat driver style won't keep this novel from being written. No amount of weeping will make me let her back in this car. She can wail like a banshee. She's not getting her grubby little paws on my deathless prose, at least not until December 1.

Words: 2,954
Mood: Hopeful
Music: Super Furry Animals - "Hello Sunshine"

NaNoWriMo Day 3: Unwanted Words & Conspiracy Theories

I wrote thousands of words today... And not a damn one is NaNo related. It is well after 11 p.m. on the eastern seaboard and this tired reporter has only just gotten home.

Today was ELECTION DAY. If you're a journalist on the first Tuesday in November you can pretty much kiss your life goodbye. The worst part is that it's not over when the polls close and the votes are tallied. Oh no, that's when it begins.

But today couldn't have been just a normal evil election day full of ridiculous political showings, hand-kissing and baby-shaking. (Or is that the other way around?) No. I started my morning with a server outage at work. With the exception of lights and Microsoft Word, I was effectively Amish. Phone, e-mail, internet -- KAPUT!

That lasted until nearly 1 p.m., so, needless to say, I didn't exactly get a jump on things. I crawled along, making do with my cell phone until technology was restored. Then I finished my non-election-related stories in time to serve as Pizza Wench for my office. We always order on election night and the boss pays, so that's a plus.

By then it was nearly 7 p.m., the polls had closed, and we waited anxiously for votes to appear on the State Board of Elections website. If you're thinking, "So you sat in front of the computer clicking refresh every 30 seconds in a futile attempt to make votes appear?" You'd be absolutely correct. Four reporters. Four computers. Four incessantly clicking mouses.

That's because the county I work in is one of the slowest in the Commonwealth of Virginia for tallying votes. Despite the advent of electronic voting machines, I swear this county still counts votes on an abacus. An hour after the polls closed they were still dusting the thing off.

The clicking continued. Random bits of information were shouted across the office. "Chris has 36% in Powhatan." "I think Phil could lose this one." "Still nothing in the school board race."

Finally at 8:45 p.m., with only one precinct outstanding, I ventured out the the winners party to take photos and talk to the happy crowd. They were mostly gone when I arrived, but I snapped a few shots, grabbed a few quotes and was on the run again. Back to the office with 30 minutes to write a story before the guys on press start to get antsy.

Long story short, today was anti-NaNo. The world conspires against you sometimes and, on this particular Tuesday, it went over and above to make sure I didn't so much as open the file containing my novel.

Thanks for that World. You've really out-done yourself.

Words: 1,765
Mood: Exhausted
Music: Lily Frost - "Enchantment"

NaNoWriMo Day 2: Hymn for the Downtrodden

That's right kids. I've only been at it two days, and I'm already suffering under the weight of NaNoWriMo. It's been a sloooow start. The Word document is open, I'm highly caffeinated, and I just... can't... get... writing.

So what's my problem? I haven't the foggiest. I can tell my story over and over again. I can describe each scene in detail. I can't put pen to paper. The car's in gear, but the parking brake is still on.

Yes, I've been able to eek out words. They're good words. Some might be great. But this, my friends, is NaNo and quantity is an issue. If there were ever a time when size matters, it's now.

Participants, also known as WriMos, who take the plunge as supposed to fly free. They take to the keyboard with wild abandon and write. Judgement be damned. Give your inner editor 30 days off. You write whatever gobbledygook comes to mind. Sure, it's no Shakespeare, but revision can work miracles.

Not me. When I told my inner editor to shove off, she choked up on the keyboard and threatened to do bodily harm. Needless to say, she's running the show right now. I have to shake her or this novel is DOA.

Words: 1,588
Mood: Indignant
Music: Ian Broudie - Song for No One

NaNoWriMo 2009: The Road to a Nervous Breakdown

What is NaNoWriMo, you ask? It's thirty days and nights of literary abandon accompanied by paralyzing fear and an overwhelming urge to give up writing all together. Before you even get started....

Nauseating feelings and gut-wrenching anxiety aside, NaNoWriMo is actually the ultimate writer's challenge.

THE GOAL: Write a novel in a month.

A successful attempt is 50,000 words, which breaks down to 1,667 words per day. That's 69.5 words per hour or roughly one word per minute. Easy, right? Wrong, unless you're a recluse that shuns all creature comforts and human contact. 

THE SACRIFICE: Most anything that's not an absolute necessity in your life.

Movies, shopping, outings with friends, and even those Starbucks macchiatos you love so dearly are out of the question. After all, that's 15 minutes you could spend writing. Favorite TV shows, leisurely reading, and mid-afternoon naps. You can kiss those goodbye too.

And if you manage to avoid all of the extras life and put 25K down, things will become more difficult. Somewhere amidst the madness the big ticket items will become negotiable. Fire sale. Everything must go. This means personal hygiene, valuable hours of sleep, every personal relationship you've ever had, and, of course, your sanity.

But it's worth it right?

THE PEP SQUAD: Well, it's about as useless as cheerleaders for the chess team.

Writing buddies. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture and the sentiment behind it. I friend all of these other people who are attempting to write a literary masterpiece of their own in 30 days. (Good luck with that by the way. I'll be happy if I can read what I wrote without a translator when this is over.)

Then my "buddies," who I may or may not actually know, write and their word count appears in on my NaNo account site, thus producing Word Count Envy. Great. Thanks. I needed an inferiority complex as I'm tackling the impossible.

THE PAYOFF: Empty hands and a warmed heart.

That's right. There's no prize counter, nowhere to cash in your words. Your 50K won't so much as buy you a teddy bear to cry with after the carnage comes to an end. Instead you get pride, a sense of accomplishment, and, oh yeah, a completed novel. (If it makes any sense by the time you're done with it.)

I say, what the hell? I'm doing it. Bring the pain.

To find out more about NaNoWriMo, visit http://www.nanowrimo.org/.